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Articles by Dr. Susan
Rempel
Whose Glasses Will You
Put on Tomorrow?
Last week, I wrote about Pollyanna’s decision to play
“The Glad Game” (http://uncommoncourtesy.com/PlayTheGladGame.htm). This week
I had the opportunity to play the Glad Game myself. My son, who tends to
bring home more than his fair share of viruses, was sick again. One of my
daughters was sick as well. That left my husband, my other daughter, and
myself all in the line of fire to catch a nasty cold. The bug seemed to be
going around my daughters’ school, and I couldn’t help but notice that the
variety of responses to the prospect of being ill by those around me. A
negative thinker in the bunch used it as another occasion to complain about
yet another cold being passed around, as well as other aspects of her life
that she viewed negatively. My
husband, who is very easy going, adopted a “What will be, will be” type
attitude about the possibility of being infected by my germ laden son. The
ever enthusiastic optimist in the crowd, that would be me, tried to act as
if the illness did not exist and kept mumbling, “I am not getting sick. I am
not getting sick. I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow,” while consuming heavy
doses of a variety of vitamins and supplements.
As I thought about the spectrum of reactions, I began to
also think about the glasses that each of us wears.
No, I am not referring to corrective lenses. Perhaps you recall the
phrase “seeing the world through rose colored glasses?”
It is very much like Pollyanna’s decision to play the Glad Game even
when presented with the possibility that she might never walk again. Well,
you, and everyone around you, view the world through a set of glasses. Your
“glasses” are the outlook that you have adopted toward life.
They dictate how you respond to any given situation, and your overall
perception of reality. You may not have voluntarily chosen the glasses you
wear. That is, you were born with a particular temperament.
Then you spent years being part of a family that lived life in a
certain manner. These “family
themes” are sometimes easier to recognize in other families than in your
own. Consider what we know about
the famous Kennedy family of Massachusetts.
The children in that family were taught to take risks and have high
aspirations. Now consider the
type of themes that your parents indoctrinated into you as a child. Were
they positive themes (e.g., you can be successful) or negative themes (e.g.,
don’t make a mistake or you will fail)? Were they enabling or disabling?
Finally, consider whether you have incorporated those themes into the
outlook that you have as an adult.
As you think about the theme that you live with and by,
note how those around you employ themes in their lives. For example,
consider how you, your family members, your boss, your employees, and your
friends might react to a particular situation.
Imagine being stuck at a railroad crossing waiting for a long freight
train to pass while you’re enroute to see a movie.
If there are several people in the car, there will undoubtedly be a
wide variety of reactions. Some
people will be angry that they might miss the movie. Their theme focuses on
the unfairness of life, or that life can become negative at any time. Others
will see the same situation as a good excuse not to sit through all of the
trailers that are shown before the main feature. These are people whose
theme helps them to adapt or “go with the flow” of life. Still others will
begin looking through the newspaper to see what other movies are available
or even suggest just stopping off for coffee and dessert at that new
restaurant in town. These are the individuals who view any situation as an
opportunity to have something positive happen. Each of these individuals is
reacting differently to the situation, in part, because of the theme that
they have chosen to adopt. It is
clear that each one of these people wears a different set of glasses.
No doubt, you’ve read many articles about how your
unconscious attitudes or themes affect your life.
However, I would like you to consider two
ways in which the glasses that you
have chosen to wear affect your life.
First, they impact how those around you function.
Second, they also impact how others choose to view you. In order to
explore these ideas further, allow me to introduce you to two imaginary
individuals who wear very different sets of glasses: Ned (the negative
thinker) and Oscar (the optimist).
Ned is a nay-sayer.
He can find the negative aspect of any situation even if it requires
looking all night long. Ned even
found a negative point about winning the state lottery when he said,
“imagine the taxes, the financial planning, and all the additional
telemarketing telephone calls that I’d receive night after night.” Ned views
the world as a dark and dangerous place.
Every decision is monumental.
Each life choice must be painstakingly scrutinized.
Consequently, Ned spends much of his free time worrying about the
1001 bad things that might happen to him at any time.
Ned’s brother was surprised when Ned actually had no reaction to a
newspaper story that an asteroid might strike Earth within the next 100
years!
Oscar, on the other hand, is an optimist.
He sees each day as another opportunity to be successful and help
others. The idea of doing
something new and different excites Oscar because he likes to contemplate
and explore all the interesting possibilities in life that are placed before
him. He views life as a journey.
Even the setbacks that Oscar faces now and then are nothing more than life
lessons that will ultimately help him to become more successful.
It may seem obvious to you how the glasses that Ned and
Oscar wear impact how they function and perform in life.
What may not be so obvious is how others react to Ned and Oscar
because of the glasses that each one has chosen to wear.
Ned and Oscar are supervisors at the same company.
Each is responsible for managing a large group of employees.
The people who Ned supervises don’t often approach him with new
ideas. They know that he wants
to “stick with what works.” He
leads with an iron fist because controlling others gives Ned a feeling of
security. He sometimes
micromanages situations and instills fear in his staff.
Ned’s entire work group has adopted his tentative attitude and is
constantly concerned about the possible pitfalls that may result from their
decisions. While Ned’s
supervisor views him as a dependable employee, she also sees him as a bit of
a “stick in the mud.” She has
given up on passing along motivational material to Ned because she knows he
will only see the negative aspects of the information.
At home, Ned’s family is well aware of his penchant for negativity.
His constant ruminations and worrying cause unnecessary tension and
anxiety at home. His wife is
afraid to tell him about her problems because he will become upset.
His children have learned that he will be unresponsive to them as he
lies on the couch and considers his negative fate.
There is quite another atmosphere in Oscar’s house.
Oscar’s offspring can’t wait for him to get home.
He always has a great story to tell them and has time to help them
work through their problems.
Oscar and his wife enjoy talking about things that they would like to do in
the future. They also try their
best to enjoy each day as well.
Oscar is like a beacon of light at work.
His outlook inspires his employees to do their best.
He is interested in new ideas, strategies, and technology that will
help his employees to meet and beat anything that their competitors might be
doing. Oscar has a plaque on his
desk that reminds him of the benefits of persistence and a positive outlook.
Oscar’s boss doesn’t bother giving him motivational material either.
However, unlike Ned, motivational material is unnecessary because
Oscar is always bursting through her door with motivational material of his
own to give to her. Oscar’s
employer sees him as a go-getter who will someday be running the whole
company or forming an innovative company of his own!
As you can see from this example, the glasses that you
put on every morning impact how you view the world, and how you will
function in it. Additionally, the glasses that you wear directly impact how
those around you behave and react to you.
Consider the overall impression that your boss, your spouse, and your
friends have about you. Are you
a fun person to be around? Are
you always down in the dumps? Do
they think of you as one of the most energetic people in their lives?
Have they written you off of their “people who like to try something
new” list? If you wear glasses that are similar to Ned’s, you may not
realize the opportunities that you have missed, the relationships that have
been damaged, and the potential successes that have not been realized merely
because you wear a negative set of glasses much of the time. Although
everyone has a “dark glasses day” now and then, it is up to you to choose to
wear the clear and sharp glasses of an optimist. It is those glasses that
will help you to see the opportunities around you and seize success in your
life at home and work.
Today is the day to step back and examine how you view
the world. Ask others how they
perceive you. Evaluate how your
actions communicate your view of the world to others.
When you get up tomorrow morning, make the choice to put on the
bright sunny glasses that Oscar wears.
Then, go out there and have a great day!
Oh, how did I choose to play the Glad Game? I decided to be thankful that I
did not get nearly as sick as my kids!
Copyright © 1997 - 2011 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
This article (including the copyright notice) may be reprinted
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